Ready for Love Read online

  Table of Contents

  Synopsis

  Other Books by Catherine Maiorisi

  About the Author

  Acknowledgments

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Chapter Thirty

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Bella Books

  Synopsis

  After watching the woman she’s professed to love for more than twenty years marry someone else, Renee Rousseau vows to free herself of the unrequited love before she and her friends meet the married couple in Paris. In ten weeks.

  Then Renee encounters Lady Constance Martindale—the only other woman she’d ever imagined a future with—and she’s sure the universe is playing with her. Sixteen years ago they’d agreed to a casual, time-limited relationship. But when it turned to love, they both panicked and Constance dumped Renee before Renee could dump her. A first.

  But the past is the past and sixteen years is a lifetime. Can passion be renewed? And what about her love for the woman who just got married?

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  Praise for Catherine Maiorisi

  The Blood Runs Cold

  I think I’ve found a new favorite author! This is the first book that I’ve read from Catherine Maiorisi and I must say that she certainly has my attention because I’m a huge fan of her flawless and captivating writing.

  —The Lesbian Review

  Maiorisi populates her story with some much-needed diversity, but never strays into exhortative territory: these characters feel like individuals rather than stereotypes intended to fill a role (or purpose). The mystery is suitably complex, sure to keep readers guessing until late in the game.

  —The Bolo Books Review

  An excellent police procedural with twists, turns and surprises. Looking forward to other mysteries featuring Chiara Corelli.

  —Map Your Mystery

  Love page-turner thrillers? Pick these books up—then try to keep up with Chiara. It’ll be a breathtaking ride.

  —Kings River Life Magazine

  A Matter of Blood

  This book was a long time in the pipeline for Catherine Maiorisi, and it shows. The pacing is perfect, and there has clearly been a lot of work done over a long period on making sure that everything is just right. As a result, this is a really easy read that will hold your interest until the final page. The characters are well fleshed out and relatable, with terrific chemistry between the leads and a great story line. There is nothing in this book that doesn’t need to be there, and it was a pleasure to read from start to finish. My only gripe is that number 2 in the series is not out yet!

  —The Lesbian Review

  This is an excellent mystery and whodunit with well-developed characters, an interesting backstory and great potential. The action is fast-paced but nicely interspersed with moments of stillness and humanity.

  Well written, enjoyable reading. I literally can’t wait for the next one to see where Ms. Maiorisi takes us with both the crime-fighting team and the prospective romance.

  —Lesbian Reading Room

  Other Bella Books by Catherine Maiorisi

  Matters of the Heart

  No One But You

  A Chiara Corelli Mystery Series

  A Matter of Blood

  The Blood Runs Cold

  About the Author

  Catherine Maiorisi lives in New York City with her wife Sherry.

  While working in corporate technology then running her own technology consulting company, Catherine believed she was the only lesbian in New York City who wasn’t creative, the only one without the imagination or the talent to write poetry or novels, play the guitar, act, or sing.

  Catherine eventually found her imagination. And, when she’s writing she feels as if she’s meditating. It’s what she most loves to do. But she also reads voraciously, loves to cook, especially Italian, and enjoys spending time with her wife and friends.

  When she wrote a short story to create the backstory for the love interest in her NYPD Detective Chiara Corelli mysteries, Catherine had never read a romance and hadn’t considered writing it. To her surprise, “The Sex Club” turned out to be a romance and was included in the Best Lesbian Romance of 2014 edited by Radclyffe.

  Another surprise was hearing the voices of two characters, Andrea and Darcy, chatting in her head every night, making it difficult to sleep. Reassured by her wife that she wasn’t losing it, Catherine paid attention and those conversations led to her first romance novel, Matters of the Heart.

  No One But You, Catherine’s second romance grew from thoughts of a child on a beach into an exploration of what happens after the happily ever after.

  Ready for Love, her third romance, started with an image of Renee watching Darcy and Andrea dance their first dance as a married couple and became an exploration of racism.

  Catherine has also published mystery and romance short stories. Go to www.catherinemaiorisi.com for a complete list and while you’re there sign up for her mailing list.

  An active member of The Golden Crown Literary Society, Sisters in Crime and Mystery, Writers of America, Catherine is also a member of Romance Writers of America.

  Copyright © 2019 by Catherine Maiorisi

  Bella Books, Inc.

  P.O. Box 10543

  Tallahassee, FL 32302

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, without permission in writing from the publisher.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. The publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party websites or their content.

  First Bella Books Edition 2019

  eBook released 2019

  Editor: Ann Roberts

  Cover Designer: Judith Fellows

  ISBN: 978-1-64247-075-8

  PUBLISHER’S NOTE

  The scanning, uploading, and distribution of this book via the Internet or via any other means without the permission of the publisher is illegal and punishable by law. Please purchase only authorized electronic editions, and do not participate in or encourage electronic piracy of copyrighted materials. Your support of the author’s rights is appreciated.

  Acknowledgments

  Ready for Love started with an image of Renee watching Darcy and Andrea dance their first dance as a married cou
ple. I’m not sure why that image popped into my mind since Matters of the Heart, which featured Darcy and Andrea, was published in 2016. Renee was a minor character and the only thing I knew about her was that she was a butch. Though I only saw her back in the image, she appeared sad and unhappy to me. My imagination did the rest.

  When early in the book Renee casually announced she was biracial, I didn’t give it much thought. But as I wrote and as Olivia, her therapist, questioned Renee’s feelings about being biracial, I suddenly realized what I was writing and thought, holy shit, I’m in trouble. I never intended to write a biracial character, at least not consciously. And I seriously thought about changing her mother from black to white. But I couldn’t. I was already in love with Renee, with her story and her struggle, so I continued writing. At the same time though, I began to read whatever I could trying to understand the feelings and experiences of mixed race and black people in our increasingly racist world. The stories are out there every single day but focusing and immersing myself changed me, sensitized me to racism. Of course, like Renee, I can empathize with the people who live with racism but I can’t really know their experience. I did my best. I hope I got it right.

  One interesting tidbit: As I immersed myself in Renee’s feelings and conflicts I remembered talking to a guy at a party at a black friend’s house, almost fifty years ago. At the time I was shocked that this white-skinned, blue-eyed, sandy-haired guy identified as black and he graciously spent about two hours discussing it with me. The character Ed is based on him.

  This was a hard book to write and the support I received from friends and colleagues helped me continue writing when I worried that I would never get it right.

  As always, thank you to my wife Sherry, my first reader and provider of support and encouragement throughout the process.

  Thank you also to Annette Mori, a multi-published author, for taking time from her own writing to beta read for me.

  Thank you to my friend Carol Glassman for taking time to read and comment from her perspective as a white mother of an adopted black son and a black grandson.

  Thanks to my friend and editor Ann Roberts for putting up with my moaning and groaning about changes and for her continued support and encouragement.

  Thanks to Jessica, Linda, and all the women at Bella Books for the work you do. I’m proud to be a member of the Bella family.

  Special thanks to Cheryl Head, author of the Charlie Mack Motown Mystery Series, for taking time from her own writing to do a sensitivity read of the book. Cheryl’s specific comments and criticisms made this a much better book.

  Writing is a strange business. We solicit comments and suggestions and go off to our little hidey-holes to make (or not) changes that we think will address the issues identified. However, it’s an imposition to ask the same people to reread the manuscript to make sure the changes hit the mark so the problem may still exist. Or we may have made it worse. And, it’s likely in the process of making changes that we make other errors.

  So, although I’m grateful for the feedback I’ve received, I want to make clear that the opinions in Ready For Love, the discussions of racism, the ideas the characters express, the feelings of the characters and any errors, omissions, or misstatements are mine and only mine.

  Dear readers, I hope you enjoy reading Ready For Love and I hope it makes you think. Please let me know by contacting me at http://www.catherinemaiorisi.com or by message on Facebook.

  Chapter One

  The lights dimmed. A hush fell over the guests and all eyes followed the golden spotlight to the entrance of the tent. A drumroll. And the glowing brides entered to applause from the more than two hundred guests.

  Tessa of The Tessa DeLong Band eased into “At Last,” and Darcy and Andrea floated onto the floor for their first dance as a married couple. The brides were so beautiful together, so obviously in love it was painful to watch. Yet Renee couldn’t take her eyes off them.

  Except for a few pounds and a few laugh lines, Darcy looked the same as the young woman Renee had fallen in love with at first sight twenty plus years ago. But today’s more mature Darcy was even more beautiful. The intensity of Renee’s love and the power of her sexual attraction to Darcy were as strong today as they were then. Knowing it was her fault that she’d lost Darcy forever didn’t make it any easier. If only she’d—

  “She looks beautiful, doesn’t she?” Tori’s voice in her ear pulled her back to the wedding in a tent on the beach in Fire Island. The guests were still cheering and clapping as the brides waltzed; waiters still circulated offering hors d’oeuvres and champagne, and candles still flickered on the tables decorated with bouquets of multicolored flowers, and white tablecloths and napkins. Renee blinked, trying to keep the tears blurring her eyes from overflowing. “That she does.”

  Tori, one of only two friends taller than her, draped an arm over Renee’s shoulders. “And happy.”

  “That too.” Flooded with memories of Darcy looking at her the way she was looking at Andrea, singing the words to the song in her ear the way she was singing to Andrea, Renee pressed her handkerchief to her eyes. Hopefully Tori and the several hundred other wedding guests watching the newlyweds would think Renee’s tears were tears of joy. She was happy for them. And, at the same time, sad for herself. She’d expected today to be difficult, but she hadn’t expected the lush romantic atmosphere of the wedding tent and the rituals of exchanging vows and dancing a first dance as a married couple to exacerbate her sense of loss and intensify her loneliness.

  Tori squeezed her shoulder. “Are you ready to let her go?”

  Renee stiffened. Was she misinterpreting Tori’s question? Or did she know? Feeling exposed, Renee looked up at Tori. She didn’t know what she was expecting, but she found love and warmth and sympathy. “How long have you known?”

  “Since Darcy and I became a couple my freshman year in college. I could see the pain in your eyes. I knew you wanted to be with Darcy and I could feel you struggling to relate to us as a couple. I’d just come out with Darcy. I was light-headed with love and lust and excited about playing with the big girls, but I was barely eighteen, and though I wanted to reach out to you, I didn’t know how. Or whether I should.”

  “And you didn’t feel threatened by me hanging around?”

  “Oh, but I did. I was pretty sure Darcy was still in love with you when she and I first got together. And your friends and other upperclasswomen were only too happy to tell me how you and Darcy drifted in and out of being a couple, that you never stayed broken up for long, that Darcy slept with other girls while she waited for you. I felt the ax could fall at any time. After all, Darcy was attracted to my mind but visually and personality-wise, I was like a butterfly in the caterpillar stage, shy, awkward, and not fully formed. Why would the sexy, gorgeous, brilliant, and sophisticated Darcy Silver choose me over her equally gorgeous, brilliant, sophisticated, and sexy French ex-lover Renee Rousseau? But Darcy was never anything but attentive, loving, and kind to me. And after a few months I began to trust that she wanted to be with me.”

  Renee dabbed at her eyes again, glad that the lights were low and focused on the brides. “How did you know I’m still carrying a torch for her?”

  “Kindred souls? Remember, I loved her too. And I carried a torch too. Until I met Elle.” She drifted off for a few seconds, remembering. “I believe you never fully let go of your first love. And maybe somewhere very far inside of me there’s still a tiny ember burning. But I’ve let go of Darcy in a way that I believe you haven’t. She was your first love, too, and, though you’ve dated hundreds of women over the years, it seems to me you’ve never moved on.”

  Renee flinched. Speaking to be heard over the band, Tori seemed to be shouting, announcing Renee’s secret to the world. She eyed the people standing on either side of them at the edge of the dance floor, but everyone seemed focused on the brides. Everyone except Maman. Her mother’s concern was apparent from across the room. Renee forced a smile and waved, hoping
to reassure her. “How does Elle feel about you loving Darcy?”

  “Elle doesn’t doubt that I love her. She understands Darcy was my first and had a profound influence on the person I am today.”

  Renee scanned the crowd again. Tori must have picked up on her anxiety because she put her arm around Renee and lowered her voice. “If it makes you feel better, I don’t think anyone else knows.” She raised her eyes to the dancing brides. “Except maybe Darcy.”

  “Merde.” Renee pulled away and glared at her. “You think she knows?” She couldn’t keep the panic out of her voice.

  Tori pulled her close again and spoke only for her ears. “I’m pretty sure she does. You know she’s sensitive to all of us in the Inner Circle.” Tori laughed. “After all, at one time or another just about every one of us has been her lover, and though I’ve never had the pleasure, your lover too. She’s always tender and loving with you, as she is with me. Our history with Darcy is special and sometimes we see things in her and she in us that aren’t apparent to others.”

  “It’s true. I’ve always felt she could see into me.” What made her think she could hide her love from Darcy? “Do you think Andrea knows?”

  “I don’t know. As an ER doctor she’s tuned in to people. And she knows you and I are important to Darcy so she pays attention to us. But I wouldn’t worry about her knowing. Remember she carried a torch for her friend Julie for twenty years after their relationship ended and was best friends with Julie and her wife Karin the whole time.”

  “I forgot that.” Renee ran her hand through her hair. “What a sorry group we are.”

  Tori snorted. “Sorry, yet wonderful.”

  Renee smiled. “Did you ever try to get back with Darcy?”

  Tori shook her head. “I was really raw when she dumped me. I eventually began to date, but it was Darcy I wanted. If the modeling contract hadn’t brought me to New York City after I graduated, I probably would have moved to Chicago to avoid seeing her. But, with the clarity that years of therapy bring, I know it was anger rather than love that propelled me to ask Nancy to move to New York with me. I knew we’d socialize with the Inner Circle and I wanted to hurt Darcy like she’d hurt me.”